The three day rule is bogus. If you like her, call her the next day. Don’t text; call.
This post will only talk briefly about what NOT to wear. What you should wear is a very open-ended topic. What looks good on me, may or may not look good on you. However, there are some things that rarely look good on a first date. First impressions matter- not as much as who you really are- but even the best-of-men can come off as sleezy, disheveled, or just plain dull.
Below are just some suggestions. If you are a working professional, perhaps it would be good to seek a fashion consultant or a friend who has good taste (usually these friends are women or on occasion gay men).
1. Bright colors. Pink, red, orange, turquoise, anything shiny. Who you are should be the focus, not that shirt you’re wearing. Women notice these things and unfortunately when it’s not a good thing, she’ll tell all her friends and they will surely all respond with “eww” and then with LOL. Normally, I couldn’t care less if a woman made fun of me and I would tell you not to worry, but in this instance, let’s be a little more mindful. Some people say that wearing bright colors shows you are confident, not if that shirt makes you look like a douche, cause then you would be a confident douche. Let your confidence shine through your words, your attention to her (and not you), and your actions (e.g., open doors, pull out her seat for her to sit, etc.)
2. Work clothes. Enough said. Don’t even argue with me on this one. I once saw a guy go on a date in his scrubs (he is a physician). If you are too busy to spend 10 minutes to change clothes, you are too busy for a date. Women will prepare regardless of how busy they are. They even risk their lives to do so (i.e., driving and putting on make-up at the same time). Show her the same effort and appreciation. She won’t say it, but she’ll appreciate it. You can subtly let her know too by saying how you didn’t have much time to change but wanted to look somewhat appropriate for this date. Trust me. Brownie points +10.
3. Work shoes or grandfather shoes. Shoes are by far one of the most, if not THE most, important accessory for women. She’ll notice yours. Don’t wear scruff-up shoes, torn shoes (unless they were torn for a reason), or shoes you’d wear to walk your dog.
4. Jacket-less outfit. Try your best to put together outfits that work with some kind of jacket. If it’s summer time, a light jacket. If winter, a pea-coat (e.g., Kenneth Cole and Coach sell some very nice ones). You may not need it, but she will even if she may not be ‘that’ cold.
5. Striped shirts. This one is a shout-out to my friend WW. She abhors striped shirts. I disagree with her on many things, but on this issue, I am in complete agreement. Solid colors only.
6. Flashy belt buckles. Nice, you want a cookie?
7. Loose (or ultra tight) suit jackets, shirts, and pants. I will make a posting about how to choose suits. In the mean time, if you are a working professional, go to a tailored shop to get your suits and sports coats. They’ll cost more (e.g., $200-400 per jacket), but it’ll be WELL worth the cost. DO NOT GO TO Men’s Warehouse. Unfortunately, Men’s Warehouse does not really cater to Asian American males and our body types. Their items are large with large shoulder designs and long (almost draped) coats. Think Snoop Dogg. You’re not Snoop Dogg. If you need some recommendations, please contact me directly and I can direct you to some very good specialty shops in Los Angeles.
Below is a checklist. Enjoy!
1. Check your outfit
i. Check your fly
ii. Check your collar- just make sure it’s the way you like it.
iii. Check your belt
iv. Check your shoes
2. Check your image.
i. Nose hair
iv. Smell (e.g., cologne or deodorant, or both if they compliment one another)
3. Check yourself.
Why are you going on this date? To have fun? To get laid? To find your soulmate?
If you are reading my blog then your goal should always be to have fun and pursue happiness.
If you want to get laid on a first date, please leave my website. Nothing against sex, but I don’t share your mentality or life goals.
If you want to find your soulmate, you should use a matchmaking service. They usually do a pretty good job about finding someone who fits you.
4. Check time.
Make sure you show up early to get the scoop on the place. How long is the wait? How’s parking? Any activities there you could do after the date? What’s on the menu?
5. Check your insecurities.
We ALL have insecurities. If someone has it all, this person is likely to be very afraid of that inevitable end that all humanity shares. So relax.
Your insecurities do not make you who you are. It’s what you do. Maybe you’re not the tallest in the room. Maybe you’re not proud of your past or where you are in life now. Maybe you’re in want in something. We all have one insecurity that drives us to the other end of happiness. Be strong.
You are someone’s son. You are more than a job or a station in life. You are a professional athlete in your mind but a weekend warrior in truth. You are a musician. You like board games. You enjoy live music. You enjoy details. You enjoy art. You love animals. You once owned turtles. You once saw something awesome. You are a dreamer. You are realistic. You like rain. You like the sound of crashing waves. You like the smell of Fall over Summer. You like Halloween over Christmas because it’s more creative and less materialistic.
Know the ‘why’ to the above. If your answer is ‘just because’ then you need to dig deeper or create for yourself some deeper meaning.
Have fun. Enjoy yourself. You’re alive because your hearts beats. If nothing else then provide her with the blessing of being close to a living soul. If you’ve ever felt loneliness then you would understand the value of just being around a living being. Ready. Set…
There are two things that most (perhaps all) women love: hand holding and eye contact. This post is on eye contact. There are several important factors that make eye contact sexy: your facial expression, duration of eye contact, when you actually make eye contact, and how you look away. Some guys learn to do this artificially; but gentleman, the best kind of interactions are usually (mostly) the most organic ones.
Develop Eye Confidence in the Gym
I see a lot of dudes in the gym who could use some Eye Confidence. When they walk past another dude, they usually look away or look down. When I’m in the gym I make eye contact with those I walk past and I usually greet them. If they appear to be younger or at my age range, I give them a ‘What’s up’. If they appear older than me, I give them a nod and a “how you doing”. I always make eye contact, rather than look away or look straight ahead. It use to be uncomfortable, but like building muscle mass, building eye confidence takes practice.
When guys in the gym come up and ask me if I am done with the weights I am using, I look them in the eye and let them know how many sets I have left and that they can “work in” if they want. By giving them permission, I take control of the situation. The gym is a jungle- a more controlled setting of the real world jungle we live in. Learn to be king of the jungle, even if it’s momentary in the transient interactions you encounter.
Applying Eye Contact
When she’s talking about serious (e.g., her goals) or perhaps heavier topics (e.g., family), stop what you’re doing and look at her. Even if she is not looking back at you, she knows that you are looking at her. Eye contact above all else shows you are paying attention.
When I walk past women, I never look away. Even if they are not looking at me, I still say “how you doing”. We’re human beings. If they are walking past you then they are most likely alive (unless they are a ghost, in that case, I’m not sure what to do). Greet one another and acknowledge each other’s presence.
Keeping Eye Contact
Alright, here’s the truth. I’ve been extremely turned on before just simply during a nice conversation with intimate eye-to-eye contact. If you laughed after reading that comment, young man, GROW UP (On a side note, I hear often from younger guys about how much ‘play’ they get. Here is how you tell men apart from the boys: men have had unapologetic, unabashed, intense relationships with women whereas boys are still getting over puberty and the awesomeness of seeing a woman naked). If you are still laughing, keeping laughing. I guarantee you the women aren’t laughing.
Here are some tips:
- Never look away first. Let her look away. Practice this by looking in your own eyes the entire time you brush your teeth. Two things happen during that exercise: you start to think of thoughts that affect your self-esteem or your mind if just blank. If your mind is the latter, think thoughts while maintaining eye contact
- Always smile (organically) while looking at her. Or at least have a ‘happy’ facial expression. If the topic is heavy, keep a more solemn face. Social Skills 101, fellas.
- When she is talking, make eye contact.
- When another girl walks by while you are on a date NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER look at that other girl.
People got the dating game all wrong. Most people are trying to find “if” someone fits. They approach the ‘game’ with a checklist. What I find with checklists is that you focus on what’s missing rather than what’s there; ironic isn’t it?
The dating game ought to be about finding the ‘positives’ in every individual, not just the ones you are attracted to. Even if you do not find a girl immediately attractive, discover her qualities anyway. Here’s the game: for every ‘negative’ you find, you must find a ‘positive’. Often ‘negatives’ come out organically, but ‘positives’ are buried under stress, fear, and past hurt.
The world, our society, and the dating game are on the surface dirty and grimy. But beneath that dirt and grime are precious metals and qualities worth cherishing. Find it. That’s the dating game.
The best way to impress her, is ‘don’t impress her’. When I say ‘don’t impress her’, I don’t mean tell her all your bad qualities. What I mean is, don’t talk about yourself. Stick with two endeavors: ask about her and compliment her.
Asking about her will be another post, so stay tuned! Let’s discuss complimenting her. The first thing you must do is find your own confidence in complimenting yourself. Stand in front of a mirror, what do you see? A successful professional? A trust fund? A nice car? Look beyond that.
You’re definitely someone’s son; that’s a start. You definitely had a childhood; what did you LOVE doing as a child? Do you still do it? Look at your facial features; are you round, long, or sharp? Look at your hair, does it fit your facial features? Look at your muscle tone and body shape; are you happy with it? Look in your closet; do you simply have garments or do your clothes accentuate what you love about yourself?
An example of this kind of exercise:
Me. I am a son of two highly intelligent individuals. I loved racing on the bicycle around the block and I have a scar on the right hand from when I crashed at the tender age of 9. I loved the ’90s shows “Saved by the Bell” and “Family Matters”. I have a sharp chin. I couldn’t change my hair if I wanted to because it flows only in that direction. I will never be as big as the biggest guy in the gym, but I can be as strong as my body can handle- and that’s pretty damn strong. I like my athletic body shape. I love bright-colored polo shirts and they accentuate my shoulders quite well. I love my red Nike shoes because I have mostly solid and dark colored clothes, so the red-color shoes really stand out.
From this exercise you can start to see the picture of a whole person. For most women, they go through these thoughts on a daily basis. They have thought or continue to think about their features; and if they say they don’t they are mostly (definitely) lying. So let’s apply this exercise to her.
An example of this exercise on her:
Her. She’s a daughter, is she closer to her mom or dad? Why? Similar personalities? What is her personality (e.g., bubbly, calm, etc.). “I like that you’re bubbly/calm etc. because I am bubbly/calm…”
She has put some time into making up her face. How does it make you feel when she smiles? Or perhaps her stoic face makes you feel steady (hey, some guys like stoic)? Does she have lipsticks? Are her lips shinny? Let her know you’ve noticed. “I love that red lipsticks you have on, it’s sexy“. Don’t be afraid to use the word “sexy” if it is true. Don’t say something nice. Say something true. Sometimes sincere. Something that makes your soul scream “YES”!
These are simply suggestions, of course. But start with yourself. A man who can show others respect must first respect himself. A man who can compliment others must first be comfortable with himself. Get into the habit of finding at least one thing positive about every individual.
First I would like to say, I’m not hating on you. Quite the opposite. In the words of Lil Wayne: you deserve the best, you’re beautiful.
A lot of people (not just women) think that they deserve the best- and I’m not doubting that- but are they deserving of the best? Are they attracting the best? Like attracts like. If you are not a female looking for a serious or committed or exclusive relationship, this post DOES NOT relate to you. If you might be that girl, just give what I’m saying a chance.
I see on Facebook a lot of inappropriate (least to say) profile pictures. That picture you have with you wearing a sexy outfit in a dark setting? Well, yes, you look sexy as hell. But the second thought, for a man who is looking for something more secure and serious than just a fling, is “hm I wonder if she goes out partying a lot”, “I wonder if she drinks a lot”, “I wonder if she dates a lot of men”, “I wonder if she will continue her habits if we started dating“. I’m sure by this point in the post, some of you are nearly at-arms and ready to tackle me with your own monologues as to why men are stupid and why I am stupid. I do not deny the former or the latter. But just hear me out.
If a man has in his photos, snapshots of him very physically close with other women, you would think twice (come on, don’t argue in your heads with me on this one, you know it’s true). Below, I have some suggestions. Again, these are suggestions and not “musts”. Just give it a chance, what do you have to lose?
1. Clubbing photos. Just don’t. You look sexy as hell, but when guys see that they think: you look sexy as hell for alllllllllll the dudes who sees this photo.
2. Profile pictures. If you are lawyer, doctor, teacher, professional of some kind, get some professional faceshot photos taken of you. Or have a friend who is pretty good with photography help you out.
3. Old flings. Don’t be a hoarder. When a fling, past boyfriend, past dates are gone, delete their photos. If you must keep those photos for some kind of self-torture, download them on to your computers and delete from your profiles.