I was an English minor in college. In English literature, literary devices are used to exemplify, highlight, or clarify a feeling, thought, or comment. Shakespeare used irony, he wasn’t ironic. Milton used hyperbole, he wasn’t the embodiment of exaggerations.
I’ve dated women who say or have seen women’s dating profile that say things like: I’m sarcastic. Sarcasm isn’t a character trait, it’s a literary device meant to be used sparingly. So when I hear “I’m sarcastic” or “I have a sarcastic personality” this is how I interpret what you’re actually saying:
1. “I say things that can come off mean (and/or I’ve been told that I sound mean)”.
2. “Be aware, I’m not a good/clear communicator.” Like in literature, literary devices can be interpreted in many, many ways…this is how a class of 40 English students can write ‘original’ papers…otherwise we would all have the same ideas from interpreting the same devices.
3. “I’m not very endearing.” I’ve dated “sarcastic women” and they often like to poke at a man’s insecurities. For example, I once said, “I’m pretty proud of myself for having accomplished x.” She replied, “Oh, you’re sooo awesome.” I said, “Yes, I think I’m pretty awesome.” At that moment, I was annoyed. I wasn’t looking for validation- I don’t need the validation of an individual who knows nothing about my field- but I would have liked for her to be more endearing and just say, “Sounds like you know your strengths”, or the simple, “that’s awesome!”
I’m gonna tell you some straight truths:
1. Men are insecure, too. That’s not a weakness. That’s human. Be careful of men who “don’t” have insecurities; they’re lying. Mature men handle their insecurities EVERYDAY in order to function. Immature men hide their insecurities and never discuss them.
2. Men need kindness, too. STOP testing our ‘will’ to be with you. Some men last one month. Some men last 20 years. Very rarely do men last a lifetime.
3. Men need encouragement, too. Often I’ve noticed the most successful men get the least amount of encouragement. Think about that. Look, being Asian American a lot of people often say to me after finding out I went to a good college: “Oh you’re Asian that makes sense. You all go to good schools.” Excuse me, I worked my butt off in high school. I was president of two clubs, Taekwondo black belt, 4.2 GPA, varsity cross country and track, and on school’s symphony (Yes, I would like a cookie). My parents didn’t push me; I did not receive tutoring; I wrote my own personal statements and sought teachers to edit my essays. And then after college I got a job not because Asians get jobs so easy (‘bamboo ceiling’ is a real thing)…but because if you look at my college résumé you’ll realize I did as much and accomplished as much as 2 or 3 college students combined. I’m not bragging, it’s my truth. Yet so often I’m diluted to just: Oh that makes sense cause you’re Asian. Respect my strengths and who I am and I guarantee you you’ll get the best of me (us).